blog | Oct 21, 2010 | 1 Comment

Angry, Frustrated, Dissapointed: A Rant about your ADHD Opinions

Each morning before I start my job that actually pays the bills, I spend a few minutes connecting in to #ADHD news. Twitter, newsletter subscriptions, comments on my FB page, my peeps, my tribe, my future readers of this book if I ever can finish it.

Today, two things stood out.

First is a cry for help from a mom that has a son that has survived cancer and is now being faced with ADHD and all of the challenges that can bring. She’s raising money for bio feedback treatment because she’s desperate. Desperate to help her son. Desperate for some sense of normal, some sense of satisfaction that one day, their lives will be okay.  Money isn’t something I’ve got much of these days but I do comment on her post and give her some ADHD mom to ADHD mom things to try and think about it.  Tribe members should stick together.

Second is an article about the new book, BUZZ, A Year of Paying Attention by Katherine Ellison – This mom takes a full year off from her work to fully understand her 12 year old son with ADHD. Especially since she has also been diagnosed herself. The excerpt is real and funny and heartfelt. I just ordered the book myself and can’t wait to devour it.  Then I read the comments.

The first comment is from an ADHD mom that is thrilled to have someone else in her tribe. You know the whole “support group” idea.Kind of a big deal in the AA and Weight Watchers community. Looks like there might be something to that idea of support.

The second comment is a full on criticism of this mom and her willingness to publicly tell her story. She rants how her son’s life should be private and she should protect her son. My blood pressure starts to rise.

The third comment is full on criticism about ADHD stimulant medication from a social worker that teaches parenting skills to families. From her cartoon avitar she appears to be 22 and a half and never done more than babysit when she was 16. And she’s now an expert on the impact of ADHD meds and our parenting choices.

This sparks a full on Ritalin debate in the comment section. Now it’s about pharma companies and profits.

Sprinkle in a few stories about teachers abandoning these kids and I’m ready to jump through my computer and ring someone’s neck.

ADHD is hard, hard to live with, hard to love those that live with it, hard to understand, hard to tolerate, CUT US ALL SOME SLACK!

There is no shortage of opinions and far too much confusing data, but what about some hard core empathy for the human-ness of this situation?

We are moms, wives, daughters, sons, husbands, who love each other and are trying everything we can sometimes just to get through the day. We worry about meds or no meds, we worry about school, and friends, and will our marriages make it.  Often we go to bed exhausted, we wake up exhausted, trying to stay ahead of the game.

So please, if you choose to comment here, save your opinions about Ritalin and my parenting skills, or lack of skills. Hold your marriage advice while I go find my husband’s wallet and keys. Just for a moment, keep your opinions to yourself and maybe just listen or feel.

Feel the love we have for our kids and our spouses, feel the desire to reach out to each other and share our human-ness. These folks with ADHD are the loves of our lives.  They’re not wrong, they’re just different. And different would be more okay if you had less opinions about what normal should and could be.

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One Comment

That is precisely why I love you and know that all will be OK now and forever. For those who don’t know me, I am Rebecca’s ADHD husband. Although she has been blogging on her site for over a year this is my first post, ever.

I have never told her this but for the first time in my life I feel like somebody gets me. She doesn’t judge or try to fix me (most of the time), she just seeks to understand. I’m not saying that it isn’t hard sometimes because it is, but her approach shows me her commitment to our family. That is the inspiration that makes me WANT to be a better man. She deserves that and I know it. That’s where it must begin.
I LOVE YOU Rebecca
ADHD Husband

Blaine

10/21/2010

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