blog | Dec 17, 2012 | 0 Comments

Adam Lanza’s Mother Struggled, Just Like Us

In nearly every article about Adam Lanza’s mother,  they speak of her struggles.  Struggles with her son, struggles with the schools, struggles to help him fit in and lead a “normal” life.  There are interviews by family and friends about the quiet boy with some “strange” behaviors.  There is talk of autism and a firefight of bloggers debating the spectrum and violence and everyone wants answers. And I can’t even comment on the gun control political agendas that people want to join in building.

Everyone wants to believe they are NOT Adam Lanza’s mother.  But haven’t we all struggled to be understood dealing with ADHD?  Haven’t we all had our issues struggling with school?  Haven’t we all struggled to help people understand ADHD?  Haven’t we all struggled to find doctors and therapists that understand ADHD?

If your child has issues with the mind, you can call them mental disorders or neuro differences or whatever you wish,  if you have those issues,  you struggle.  If you have children with these issues                you struggle.  There is a socially unacceptable stigma that goes along with asking for help for anything that is related to your brain, your mind.  It saddens me.  It sickens me.

An acquaintance of mine that is a pediatrician once scolded me for openly talking about my son’s ADHD.  She said there was no point in being so open about it.

I have a family member with schizophrenia, there is very little support available and he often scares me because I know he’s not getting good treatment. The entire family struggles.

I have a family member that struggles with a form of bi-polar that is similar to ADHD in how the chemical receptors work. Therefore it is tough to diagnose. It has taken three different doctors to start to get some answers.   Three doctors that had to be sought out with diligence while she attempted to take her own life.  Twice. We struggle.

And through all of these struggles we suffer quietly, or in our small circles, trying to lay low and keep it down because society only wants to know if we have the flu or a broken leg or a medical condition that has an x-ray or a non-debatable diagnosis.

Our society must learn to embrace the struggles that we face and make treatment accessible and acceptable.  Think of all the tragedies we’ve experienced before this one related to mental disorders.  Think of the homeless population plagued by mental disorders. Think of the changes we could make if we could just open up the conversation and open up affordable, reliable,  and accessible treatment.

I firmly believe Adam Lanza was not a monster, he was tormented.  He was tormented by his brain, he was tormented by his experiences, and he had a breaking point.  He was not able to get the help that he needed.  I bet his mother struggled while she tried to get help. I bet she was brushed to the side because no one wanted to deal with it. After all, he got good grades and was smart.  I bet she cried herself to sleep many nights wondering and worrying about her son.

As I was taking a break from writing this post, I read this by Brene’ Brown. It describes so much of what I’m feeling.  So I’ll give you a link here and conclude with, “what she said” ………..


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